In divorce, most people feel a serious loss of control.

What I mean is people feel like their life is actually outside their control (or, simply, out of control).

We all deal with this loss of control in different ways. Some allow it to overtake them, and they turn to drugs and alcohol. Some lean on family and religious leaders to guide them through and give them stability. Some search to reestablish control wherever they can.

It’s this last group I want to talk to for a minute.

A place to reassert control: your morning routine

Reasserting control over your life can take any number of forms. I think a wholesale change of lifestyle during divorce is not healthy. You’re simply too “in it” to make fundamental changes.

Instead, focus on something small, something a little more low-stakes.

I would suggest starting with you morning routine.

And why start there? Because your morning routine has been turned upside down by your divorce anyway, so you might as well reengineer it. Also, your morning sets the tone for the rest of your day, so it’s a natural and effective place to start.

How to change your morning routine

The how-to is always the most difficult part. The best advice I can give is what worked for me as I re-tooled my morning routine.

What I did was to sit down and imagine my perfect morning. (Perfect morning as in a morning in which I accomplished all the most important tasks.) Then, I wrote down the components of that morning, assessed what was doable on a daily basis, and arranged the components in an order that would allow me to accomplish them most efficiently.

At the end of the process, I had an actual checklist of things I wished to accomplish each morning.

Now, I take that checklist and check off each task as I complete it. This way, I keep myself on track.

Everyone’s different, but, hopefully, this type of system can help you assert a little more control over your mornings and your life.

And, in case you were wondering what my morning routine checklist looks like (why you would, I’m not sure, but just in case), here it is:

Morning Routine (3 hours)

Go to bathroom (TMI, I know)

Put in contacts

Take weight

Deep breathing

Eat breakfast


Drink water

Take vitamins and supplements


Read 7 pages of scripture (can listen to scriptures when exercising)

Help Elliot get ready for school (6.45 a.m.)




Brush teeth

Dress for work

Start work

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